so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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