Where is the hickey?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
