Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
