kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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