..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
