FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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