I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
