and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
