when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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