Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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