My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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