Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
