you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate