Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.