Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.