Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
