Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
