when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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