Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
