I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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