Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
