I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
