I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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