you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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