You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
