The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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