yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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