Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
