Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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