Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
