69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
