Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
