Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
