I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can I color on your dick again?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
