we're chasing vodka with high fives
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
