my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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