2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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