I just threw up on my dentist
sarcasm needs its own font
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
