Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
