hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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