so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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