Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
