Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
