doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
