TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
