what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
