well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
