So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
