i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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