Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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