I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
