I love black thongs
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
