You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
