Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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