she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
