Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize