I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
