I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
