oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You took a bar mat shot.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
