Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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