he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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