I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
