i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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