I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
