The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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