just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
