i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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