I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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