I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
