yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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