two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
