Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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