Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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